


A Life of Being Left Behind

by Arynphallia



Series: Dimension Hopping 101 [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Rose really needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arynphallia/pseuds/Arynphallia
Summary: Bad wolf bay is cold and awful, chalk full of bad memories and it seems like the Doctor is ready to make more, because she knows that he means to leave her hereAnd she has to let him.
Relationships: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: Dimension Hopping 101 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681489
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andthentheyran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthentheyran/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what I'm calling a lose prequel to Advanced Dimension Hopping. The two werent written with the other in mind, but I think they work well together

Bad wolf bay is cold and awful, chalk full of bad memories and it seems like the Doctor is ready to make more, because she knows that he means to leave her here. So she can be with her family. Never mind that Jackie and Pete are constantly busy with Tony. And it's not just Tony. It's dinner events for Vitex where she's expected to wear uncomfortable clothes and pretend she's happy. 

It's long nights spent awake alone in her dining room while she works until she literally cannot stay awake any longer; there's no other way to keep the nightmares at bay.

It's Mickey and her Mum and Pete all expecting her to just move on and be happy with a normal life. Only Rose isn't much suited to normal life anymore. She's done too much, seen too many extraordinary things to easily settle back into a normal job. The cannon was one of the only things that kept her from falling completely apart and even that brought on new trauma. 

How many worlds has she watched die without being able to stop it? 

The answer, no matter the number, is always too many. 

Rose knows that her mum loves her, that Pete cares in his own way, but they only really call now when they need someone to babysit.

They don't need her.

And the metacrisis, who hasn't left her side for an instant, scares her. Not because she doesn't believe he's the Doctor, but because she knows he is. Even with that little bit of Donna, she can tell he's the same. 

And that's terrifying. 

Because, and she hates to admit it to herself, but the Doctor doesn't need her. Sure, he might want her in his life, but she'd long since learned while dimension hopping that there are people he needs. 

She's not one of them. 

So the Doctor's plan of leaving her here with the metacrisis and a family that's more or less moved on past her, well, it's almost enough to break her. Because at least in the proper universe, if he'd left her behind, she'd have Jack, Mickey, and Martha. A Torchwood she could belong at. 

But none of them exist in this universe. Well, she's not sure about Jack, but he certainly does not exist relative to Rose. 

Because Rose doesn't know- can't imagine what would happen if the metacrisis left her on her own. If he decided that someone else was more fascinating like Reinette and just went, well, Rose is pretty sure that would break her.

And if Rose breaks, there wouldn't be anyone to pick up the pieces 

The metacrisis surprises her. Tells her the one thing the Doctor never would: that he loves her. And that's good enough for Rose

Because it's proof. Proof that somehow, she means something to someone.

And after everything Rose has been through, all the jumping, all the running and struggling to find him, it's more than she could have ever hoped for.

So the Doctor leaves them, like Rose knew he would, but she wished he could have cared enough to say goodbye. And Jackie calls Pete who comes to pick them up. It's a struggle to stand there in the biting wind blowing off the sea, wondering what comes next. 

But the Metacrisis- should Rose call him 'Doctor' as well? What does he want to be called? That's a conversation for another time. He's still the Doctor, no matter what he wants to be called- he pulls her into a hug, sharing his much more plentiful body heat. He even smells the same. And of course he would, but Rose had been expecting some small change. Something to explain why he's more willing to love her. 

Everything is untested between them, she hasn't said the words back, isn't entirely sure she knows how after everything. She knows that she loves him, knows that losing him would break her, those are just facts of her universe, the unchangeable laws that keep her going. 

And as they stand there in the cold and the wind, waiting for Pete to bring the zeppelin that will take them forward, into whatever life comes after this, Rose can't help but be completely terrified, even if she's in the one place in the multiverse that she's ever felt safe.

*

Rose Tyler has always terrified him to some extent. 

At first, it was because she wanted more from him than a quick jaunt around the stars. She'd expected more. She'd asked questions he hadn't been prepared to answer after the war. 

He used to think that things would have been better, that she would be safe and he wouldn't have it himself in the perfect position for heart break if he'd just left her behind after she'd first said 'no'. 

He can't bear the thought now. 

Rose has become such an integral part of who he is, and who he wants to be, that not having her is unthinkable. 

But he knows exactly how that feels. He still remembers everything. Those empty, Rose-less years haunt him nearly as much as the war. 

He loves her, and he's more than willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to her. 

It's strange how much space Jackie is giving them. Typical Jackie, so far as he knows, would be all over them, asking questions and accusing him of letting Rose get too thin. 

But maybe the few years that seem to have passed have mellowed her. Maybe this is just a happy Jackie Tyler. 

Rose shivers and he holds her tighter, wishing the other Doctor could have given him long enough to find a coat at least somewhat like the Janice Joplin one. But this is more than fair, he supposed. He gets to spend his life with Rose, sod the coat. The Time Lord can keep it. 

They all board the zeppelin, Pete's brought a toddler that can only be Tony. Jackie fawns over him the way the Doctor had been expecting her to worry over Rose. Pete gives Rose a quick hug, more than you would give an acquaintance, but it doesn't have the fatherly affection the Doctor was expecting.

And Rose sits down, almost as far away from them as she can get and seems almost bewildered when the Doctor joins her. Maybe she wants space, he thinks to himself.

But he's still hiding her hand so he gives a gentle squeeze and she relaxes into him, leaning her head on his shoulder. It feels so normal, as if there aren't years spent apart and things still unsaid hanging between them.

But, Rassilon, it is just so fantastic to be with Rose again that the Doctor can't bring himself to worry about how strained things seem to be with Jackie and Pete. 

Rose falls asleep about half way home, it's not a long flight by any means, but she starts up a light snore and he realizes how much she needed the sleep.

When they land, he hates that he has to wake her but the surprise and happiness in her eyes is more than enough of a reward to know that he made the right decision.


	2. Chapter 2

They get a cab to Torchwood then Pete says they can worry about getting the Doctor all the proper paperwork later. Which makes the Doctor wonder why they even bothered to go to Torchwood in the first place. But it doesn't matter, not really. Because as they leave Torchwood Rose pulls him away from the others and down into a car park. 

She's got an old Volkswagen beetle in the exact shade of blue that the TARDIS is. "It's original. This color was insanely popular here."

He's never been one to drool over cars, Bessie being an exception, but the color tugs at his singular heart and he can't help running a hand over the door frame. "How popular?"

"You know how back home, during the seventies, everything was brown and orange? Here it was this color and this gorgeous green." She sits in the driver's seat and he blinks in shock. He didn't know she knew how to drive. 

But of course she knows. She wouldn't have brought him to a car just to demand that he drive. 

He plops down and admires the interior; the seats are well maintained white leather and the roof is lined with a fabric that matches the exterior. "You've got a hole here." He says, reaching up to touch a small tear. 

Rose bites her lip, almost like she's laughing at him. "Recline your seat."

She's already done it herself so he follows her lead, taking the seat back down as far as it will go. Then she turns the lights on. Absolutely tiny lights are tucked behind the blue fabric, twinkling like stars.

"I like to come here sometimes during my breaks. Especially when the stars started really going out." She's fighting with one of her earrings, staring up at her 'stars' 

She's never been more beautiful. 

The car ride back to her flat is more tense than he expected, she'd been so relaxed showing him her stars. But now, she hardly looks at him, keeping both hands on the wheel unless she's shifting gears. 

Her flat is small. Not as small as the one on the Powell Estate, but smaller than he expected with the amount of money he knows Pete has. 

She immediately goes to the kitchen to make tea, he peaks in after her, noting that the tiled counters are the same shade of TARDIS blue, before examining the rest of her flat. 

And as he's looking around, he's surprised at how much alien tech she has.

Bits and bobs are strewn on nearly every surface and one half of the dining table is exclusively set up as what looks like a workstation. It reminds him of his workshop and he's not sure if that's worrying or endearing. 

There's a project that's been left abandoned on the dining room table and he pulls his stolen specs out of his pocket to look at it.

It appears to be the mangled remains of his sonic. But that's impossible. Where would Rose have gotten one of his sonics?

"It's from that splinter where you never met Donna. The one the time beetle caused" Rose says and he nearly leaps a foot into the air.

"What happened to it?" He asks, trying to figure out why she looks so closed off. Things had more or less been fine between them before they'd left Torchwood. But she's pulling away and he doesn't understand why. 

"Someone shot at me. It was in my pocket." She puts his tea down next to him and retreats to the other side of the table. 

"Someone shot at you?" He asks as his eyebrows creep closer to his hairline.

"Yes. There were alot of people who didn't like that Torchwood was trying to save the universe. Thought we should all just.... let it happen." She settles in one of the chairs, staring into her tea cup. It's black, he notes, which is new. She used to take it with a little bit of milk. 

He wants to go hug her. To make sure she hadn't actually been harmed by who ever had thought shooting at her was a good idea.

But he can't 

Because he knows that look on her face too well, recognizes it from looking in the mirror. It's that expression of someone who's been fighting for much too long and doesn't know what to do now that the fighting is done. It's one he doesn't quite understand anymore. Sure, he knows what it looks like and has some idea on how to approach her, but what it feels like? That's a distant memory, dulled by regeneration and time. Because he now knows that the fighting is over, and instead of feeling lost like he always has before, all he can think about is being with Rose.

Rose is still staring into her tea like it betrayed her somehow so he takes a sip of his and frowns at the cup. It's a bit sweeter than he remembers liking it, but he supposes that this body is more or less a regeneration so it might have different tastes. Still, it's drinkable, and he'd once said that he'd never turn down tea when offered.

They sit there in silence, drinking their tea with Rose sneaking looks at him when she thinks he's not looking.

And when Rose breaks the silence, what she says absolutely floors him. 

"I suppose I should change the sheets in the spare bedroom. They're probably musty by now."

He nearly chokes on his tea. Because he hadnt meant to presume, but those two kisses and how easily she'd fallen asleep on him had led him to belive that he might just crawl into bed with her tonight. He certainly doesn't want to be away from her for more than five minutes, but maybe she doesn't want him with her? 

"I can just sleep on the couch." He offers because that's easier to deal with than the bloody spare bedroom.

The couch at least gives him some hope.

"I've got the space. I can change the sheets." He's never heard her talk like that before. That completely no nonsense tone that leaves practically no room for argument. He hates it. And he wonders when exactly this happened. What had changed her from his pink and yellow girl into something more like a soldier? 

Maybe Davros had been right. Maybe he did make people into weapons.

And Rose tosses back the rest of her tea before bustling to the spare bedroom to change the supposed musty sheets. He hates it.

He hates the sheets too, though they probably don't deserve it.

And he lays there all night, staring up at the stupid popcorn ceiling and wishing he was in bed with Rose. Or on the bloody couch. Because this... this ridiculous bed, that he really has no right to hate, it doesn't leave much room for change. It's silly, but he feels like he's going to be stuck in limbo with Rose, sleeping in this bed for the rest of his now singular life. 

He doesn't want that. He wants to be with Rose, properly. The whole house; carpets, drapes, mortgage and all. Wants it more than he ever thought he would. But maybe that's not what she wants anymore. And honestly, he wouldn't blame her. The travelling is addictive after a while. And maybe they can get back to it eventually. Whole brand new universe to explore now. 

He thinks she might stir during the night, there's a sort of muffled gasp that carries through the walls followed by the rustling of her sheets but that's all. 

For lack of something to do that wont wake her, he goes through his pockets, cataloging everything to make sure he has what he needs. The bit of TARDIS coral will need to be taken care of soon, but it'll be fine for a few days. The small, square, velvet box he certainly doesn't remember putting in this suit is there and he's happy that he has it. But that needs to wait until they get the rest sorted. 

He waits some more, running calculations on what they'll need for the TARDIS, wondering if there's a safe garden they can grow it in- would Rose be willing to move if it meant being able to travel sooner? 

Finally, after spending most of the night awake, he decides to make Rose breakfast, but his perusal of her pantry clues him in to the fact that Rose probably never eats at home so he checks the time, noting he has several hours before Rose has to wake up and slips the debit card out of her wallet to go get groceries from the market round the corner.

Which, as it turns out is a terrible idea.

Because when he comes back, she's on the floor in the living room sobbing.

He drops the groceries, not even sparing a wince for the eggs that are probably all broken and scoops her up into his arms.

Rose looks at him like she can't believe he's real and scrambles away from him. "No! I'm not- I'm not falling for it!" She chokes out and he wishes he knew what she meant. 

"Rose, it's okay. I promise. I just went out for some groceries." He tries soothing her but she springs up and starts pacing. 

"God I'm such an idiot." She mutters to herself. "Of course it was a dream." She glances at him again, noting his presence but she can't seem to look at him for very long. "Can you leave? I figured it out."

His hearts- wait heart, he only has one now, stutters in his chest. Because he doesn't understand why she wants him to leave. Is it because he took her bank card? It was just to buy groceries... but that wouldn't be why she can't look at him.

She glances at him again and growls in frustration. "Look. I don't need you. Can't pass my bloody psych eval if I've got a bloody hallucination of the Doctor following me around."

"I'm not a hallucination." He says in the exact same way he said 'I'm not a slitheen' after he regenerated, hoping that the familiar tone will help clue her in to him being real. How often has she been hallucinating him? He'd thought that she was better off here but maybe he'd been wrong. 

Rose doesn't want to believe him, he can see the resistance on her face. How defiant she looks. He's at a loss for what to do. He can't leave, would never leave her, not after everything. 

So he does something impulsive and stupid, because it's all he can think of in the moment. 

He kisses her. Hallucinations can't kiss people, he reminds himself. So here's some nice proof that he's really with her and real. That the last few days weren't just a terrible, wonderful dream. 

She pulls back to breath and he's pleased to note he still has his respiratory bypass. Useful, that. "I promise you, Rose. I'm here, I'm real. I'm not leaving you. You're stuck with me." He tries to joke, it falls flat but she still laughs. 

It's wonderful, the mood has lightened a bit. Until she starts crying again. He wipes her tears away and kisses her cheeks and her forehead. 

"It's okay." He repeats. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere without you."

"I love you." She chokes out again, eerily similar to how she'd said it the first time, all those years ago. 

"And I love you, Rose Tyler. Forever."


End file.
